New layout!

Hey Guys!
The most of you sure already have noticed that the layout has changed, I like it do you too?
It makes me smile, the little kitty in the upper right corner. It has an calm look (if that's how you call it in English..)

I'm sorry this is the second time in a short period that I post a short blog update.. But i't just that I don't have a lot to tell you right-now..

love,
Haileyy

Imagine

Imagine that everyday when you wake up you feel alone, that when you look around yourself you see a room -your room- but that it doesn't feel like yours. That you look out of your window and you see the sun rising, it is supposed to be a beautiful day, but that you can't enjoy the feeling of the sun shining.

Imagine that when you feel alone, people say "Why? We are here for you, aren't we?" but then you remember that you can't tell them the truth. You can't tell them why you feel the way you do 'cause it will hurt them a lot.

Imagine that you really want to talk to them and tell them everything that's on you mind, but you just can't.

Imagine me, the 'happy'  girl, wondering why she is still alive, thinking everyday and night "Why do I keep going on? Why do I do this to myself?" but she doesn't know the answer. She just goes on.

-Hailey-

URL Change

My URL has been changed, maybe you wanna know why, well it's because I thought it was to long.. Wow such a good reason xd

I've got nothing to say so I'm just writhing this little post..

Xx Hailey

Good grades and other great stuff!

Today I have a reason to be happy, I've got an A+ for a subject that I'm not very good at! And in about 1,5 month I will no longer have my braces! Yeay!
My kind of boyfriend is being so nice to me and Wednesday we're going to eat something and then watch a movie! Of course it will be a horror movie haha, I like horror movies only when I am with someone. When i get scarred i want to be able to get really close to someone so I am no longer scared ^^

Sorry for the crappy grammar and sentences. Me being so tired..

Love,
Hailey Martin

What I like about autumn

The days are starting to get shorter and the weather is changing. In a few weeks, maybe a little bit more than a month, the autumn starts. Everybody loves the summer and some people even get a bit depressed from the rain and falling leafs. You shouldn't think about it like that. Think of all the beautiful things in live, things that are even more special in the autumn. Things that make you smile without realizing it.

Tomorow the weather will not be that nice. On the news they said that it would be raining a lot and that it will be cold. Although I'm going to the city with the guy I like. There is a chance I have to walk trough the rain because the bridges to the North are closed for traffic. But I will go there and I will have fun. When we see each other there will be a hug, maybe even a little kiss (not sure about that hihi).

What I like about autumn and winter:

• The leafs are changing color and after a while they fall of, you are able to make very beautiful pictures of that!
• It is cold outside which is an excuse to sit close to your crush/boyfriend. 
• Cuddling with him ("I'm cold.." - "Ahw come here") 
• Watching movies with friends all night, of course with hot chocolate! 
• Have a snow fight!
• The sound of rain
• Candels 
• Dancing in the rain!

I can thing of a lot of other things to do, but i have to go now. If you know a thing I can do on a date with Him, tell me! I'm a bit in need of inspiration..

Xx Hailey

Hairdye

A few days ago I was in Germany and i bought some new hair dye! It is Garnier Olia in Intensives rot( Intense red ). The reason i bought it in Germany and not in Holland is that here we pay a lot more for one pack. I payed around €5 in Germany and if I bought it in Holland I would have payed €15.. So when I was in Kleve and I saw this i was sure that I wanted my hair red again!

I have had red hair for about one year and then I dyed it black. Right now I have brown hair with a blue/green underdye! I like it, so I will have this the next months and after that I'll dye my hair red! Maybe I'll post a how to dye your hair thing xd 

Xx Hailey

So ehm I'm confused

Oh my god, I'm totally confused. I don't understand what is going on! Daniel is on a vacation and right now a friend off us both is on the same camping as he is. (sorry for my crappy grammar stuff-things) They were joking and said to someone else that they have kissed.. But I'm not really sure if it is a joke or not.. So I'm confused, very very very confused..

They seriously hurt me, my feelings and I are gonna quit talking to them cause I only get insecure of this shit!

So this is it for now.. I'm in a bad mood and able to kick them very hard! They shouldn't do things like this. They are completely insane!

Xx a confused Hailey

Guam

Just a few minuts ago I saw that I've got a view from someone who lives in Guam. Guam is a small island in the western Pacific Ocean. After google-ing it I found some beutifull pictures that I want to show with you guys! Hope you get the same summer feeling as I have right now!

So this is Guam ^^

While I was looking for some pictures I listened to this song:

Xx Hailey

I think I'm in love.. hihi

Okay I'm not gonna talk and blablabla about nothing I'm just getting to my point: I think I'm in love. Yes, I'm not kidding. I had doubts.. a lot. About him, about me, about the two of us together. And this morning when I woke up, I knew it. I just new..

He was in my dream. He was just like he is in real life. And I just new.

In 3 weeks he will be home, back from the other side of the world (okaay he's only 2000km away)

I'm the she!

Love,
Haileeeey

Summer Workout!

Only 3 weeks left of my summer holidays! after that i have to go to school again.. A new class with about ehm maybe 80 students i don't know..! So i feel like i have to be confident about myself and feel healthy. I'm going to exercise more and eat really healthy! 3 meals a day and 3 snacks (2x fruits 1x something else), but i think i nead some inspiration and that's what this post is going to be about!

Starting with this one!

I'm going to do this the next month, I'm gonna make a thing with this text for the next 30 days.

When school starts I will be HEALTHY and HAPPY!

I like to go outside and run. But it's very hard when it's this hot.. So I will do this when Autumn starts! 

I totaly agree with this picture/text, you have to work to gain it. 

So go and excercices! And don't forget to drink something after it!

New look!

This Saturday I go to the hairdresser and I want a new look! So this will be the things I like at the moment.

I like the color and the shape (I think that's how it's called /:  )

I like this one too! It's more wavy and I like the pony (That how it's called in Dutch).

Okay, I'm to tired to make this post... So by tomorow I'll finish it.

Xxx Hailey

ATA ~ Ask the admin (not saying I'm an admin xd)

A few days/a week ago I asked a friend to make some questions. I had no inspiration to write something so I just did this. Hihi hope you'll enjoy it!

1. Who are you?
   You will now me better if you keep reading my blog ;p
2. What are your hobby's?
   I like long boarding, making music and laugh until my tummy hurts ^^
3. who is your second best friend?
   I don't know.. I think I have 3 best friends and some really good friends..
4. What would you do if you had all the salt of the world?
   What the jdfk
5. How do you see the end of the world?
   Euhm.. DARK!
6. What is your favorite ice cream?
   White chocolate <3
7. If you could, would you change schools?
   No, cause I have some lovely friends on this school and I don't want to leave them behind.
8. Do you sleep with the curtains closed?
   Yes. Yes, I do.
9. Did you ever fall in love with two persons at a time?
   No.
10. Making homework, big disaster?
    Not when the subject is Art!
11. Do you like reading?
    When I finally have time to read, then I like it!
12. Would you be ashamed when the boy you like walked in your room and you're not totally dressed?
    Not ashamed, just a bit shocked..
13. Why is grass green?
    Cause I like it like that.

Xx Hailey

Tom again, but just a little bit. More life this time.

Today I went to the zoo, just like I said. But I will talk about that later! Right now I'm gonna write about Tom (wooow original, it's not like the biggest part of my posts are about him or something like that xd)...

These last few days I had a lot of time to think about everything. Over think everything you might say. I've been thinking about my future and about what I want to do in my life. My head continues saying that I need someone to talk to, but something in me doesn't agree..

My future shouldn't be usual, I want to travel just like almost everyone around me. I think they aren't going to travel and I want to travel so I will travel! But how do I get the money I need to travel..? If I had a blog with a lot of viewers everyday I could get some money by blogging about my live and the places I visit. An other thing I could do is marry someone who is rich, but that's more a wish kind of thing than a possible reality.

Tom has hurt me a lot, but every time I tried to forgive him and every stupid little word he said. And I still try to get back to how it was, but now I now that that isn't possible. I hate to say it but I need that one guy who's there for me when life gets hard, hugs me and says: "you'll be alright", gives me this cute little kisses on my forehead. That's what I need right now. Nothing more, nothing less. 

And I found this guy and I really like him, but as soon as he shows that he likes me, I push him away. By ignoring him or say something that hurts his feelings. I just get scared I think, it's not the boy, it's me.

Probably you already figured out that this last part is about Daniel, so now I don't have to tell you guys what my problem is right now.

I can't write him a little letter with what's on my mind. Maybe it will work, probably not..

For now goodnight and sleep well,

Xx hailey

Book order

Today I had to order my books for school, just like last year I had to buy a Binas (a book with a lot of information in it).. It is such a pity that I had to buy a new one, cause that's €35,- and I don't have money.


Sometimes I don't like school but than I figure out that I have to go and that my friends are there and stuff like that..

Okay I've got no inspiration anymore.. But yeah... I've talked to Daniel today and we talked about our kind off date thing xd. Ohw and i went to a birthday party thing from a really good friend! We went out and long-boarded! It was the first time she did it but she really liked it after the scaryness ( is that a word?) was gone. We had fun!

Well ehm that was about it, I don't have stuff to talk about anymore.

Goodnight,

Xxx Hailey

Tom & Me-- update + Someone else

Hey hellow theerrreee,

Right now I'm pretty happy, today we had a sports-day and it was funny. I really enjoyed myself haha.
Everything goes well, but I never talk to Tom. I think it's kind off sad, but what can I do.. Every time I try to 'really' talk to him, he has no time or has to 'help' a friend of mine. I don't blame that friend, but maybe I still miss talking to him. Or to be more precise, talk to someone I think I'm able to trust..

the part above was written about an month ago by me but i totally forget about it.

12 July 00:17

Right now I'm doing well if you ask me, I just got back from France and absolutely love my tan! I spoke a few words with Tom but not that much. At this moment he is not important anymore. If got some new friends with who I can laugh and do stupid random things. And there is this boy, Daniel (not his real name), I kinda like him. He's funny and he plays the piano. Next week (if everything goes alright) we have a date it think.. I'm not sure if I can call it a date... But we're going to the Zoo and I love animals hihi so i think that's a good date-idea ^^

The things I look for in a boy:
- he has to be there for me
- likes me for who I am
- can make me laugh even if I don't want to
- doesn't make me more insecure than I already am.

I can't think of more right now..

I wonder what he thinks about me.. but I'm sure he does think something :p

Xxx Haileah

Ps. I totally love this dress >>>

Confused

I'm sorry, I really am! My post from yesterday.. isn't that happy. But that is how I felt and I couldn't act like I didn't care.. It's so hard to be around him, but that's life..

The picture above ain't about Tom, but I think it is true. When you're in love, you're not able to see it, but after a while.. You start to see little things and you begin to think that he doesn't like you anymore. And when you ask it, he'll act like you're crazy or like he didn't heard your question.

I should have realized the next thing yesterday, but I simply didn't think about anything anymore. I was trying to stop thinking, I couldn't.

 I want to say sorry if I made somebody angry or something like that. I didn't meant it like that.
You can call me a stupid little girl and I would know you're right. But that I know it doesn't mean I accept it.

So I hope you'll just try to accept me how I am, I'll try the same.

Goodnight!

Xx Hailey

Lies

At the moment im very frustrated about something. Or to be more precise, someone.
There is a boy, I'll call him Tom ( don't want to use his real name) and we used to be very close. We even were kind of in love.. But now, now we don't realy talk to each other, I hate it..
I miss him, well not realy miss him but it's more like I feel that he's not here for me anymore. It bothers me.

A few weeks ago tom told me that he has something on his mind and that he needs to tell me about it. But then he started to ignore me, not realy ignore but he just doesn't pays any attention to me.

I don't know why but I have a feeling that says me to leave him, to let him drown in his own word. Just ignore him, he's not worth this pain.
It may sound weird, but could it be possible, that he's in love with a good friend of mine..? Could it be possible that she doesn't want me to know about it? I think that maybe I wouldn't even talk to her anymore, just because of hidding this for me. I know she knows that there is something wrong with him. And I know that she ain't gonna talk to me about it..

I hate this! This is hurting me! Maybe it's better if I'll jump of a bridge.. Maybe it is all my fault..

(sorry for al the writing mistakes and stuff I'm not able to concentrate me right now..)

Post #1

Dearest reader,

You may wonder who I am, I can tell you but it'll be much more interesting if you could tell me who I am.
My name is Haileah, but just call me Hailey, that's easier to remember and people make less mistakes writing that. By the way, I'm seventeen, maybe you don't give a shit about that. For now I think I told enough 'bout who I am.

Just gonna make a little profile right here:

Name: Haileah Martin
Age: 17
Origin: Dutch (part Indonesian)
Country/land: the Netherlands/Holland
Pets: I've got a cat, named Panda( like the animal)
Favorite colour: at this moment green as grass
Favorite clothes: little black dress
Hair colour: it depends but right now black/ dark dark blue
Eye colour: brooowwnn.

So now you know me a little bit better (I know I said that I think I told enough about me.. ) I'm in fourth class of this school, when finished 6th you're able to go to university. When i'm grown up I want to be a doctor or a veterinarian. I really LOVE animals ^^.
Yeah it stopped snowing! Not that I don't like snow, it's just irritating me that every time we all think that summer is coming, it starts snowing again...
But the paper where I'm writing on is almost (not empty but ..) So I'm just gonna stop writing.

With love,
        Hailey (Haileah)